need to lower my blood sugers or ill get really sick after my surgery. i know i need to i know ive been needing to. i still hate it. but i want them out. i dont have any friends around here i can see to cheer me up. so i feel the need to spoil myself to make up for it. im just a big baby. i dont want to do it. when i think about it....why i cant just enjoy my life like i wanted to, its unfair, ive had it since gr9 it ruined my highschool years, it probly ruined my friendship with HER. i was probly born with it but....sometimes whe i think about it. i just wanna die. just to be done with it. its gunna kill me anyway. just slowly. so why fuck with it now. its enough to drive me to tears sitting here crying.
as for da...ive just..stopped. stopped posting pictures, cut back journals, stopped checking messages. everything. im creatiby deprived. im not worth pennies anymore. not on here. maybe i'll just..i dont care. even facebook. but it never was to begin with. so from now on i think i'l just stick to myself. ive always been good at that. faking a smile. i honestly though i was worth more then this. maybe its time i found someoen who can see me for what i can offer. i know i have a lot to give. i smile at the girl i see in tghe mirror everyday, hello beautiful, all it takes is the right mind set. look at somehing and think in your mind, its beautiful and all the fine features on it will stand out. but think its ugly and all you will see in the bumps and bruises.
Da is a beautiful place to be. but ive lost eyes i used to look at it with.